There's lots of things no one tells you when you become a parent. Or things you are told, but don't really believe, not until you are in the midst of it. Then you can't even bemoan that no one warned you, because someone did.
There's lots of discussions about the toll of parenting on your finances, your body, your sex life, your relationships, but I haven't come across any discussions of becoming a mother and plummeting self esteem. And that, more than anything else, is what I've given up since becoming a parent.
Lean In and Knowing Your Value are just two recent books that discuss the failure of women to negotiate salary. I know I'm awful at asking for what I'm worth. I keep trying. I keep practicing. And I'm not sure I'm improving. And I think this all has to do with self-esteem and having a sense of self-worth.
There's other discussions on the fact that mothering is not valued in our society, for example The War on Moms, and while society's devaluation of motherhood is part of the problem, our children are another part of it. Yes, it doesn't help that no one seems to think that raising a productive member of society is something that should be rewarded, but those little minds that we are constantly fighting against do us in.
No wonder I don't have an interest in negotiating salary. I use up all my negotiating energies trying to convince my child to put on his socks, brush his teeth, and put on his coat so we aren't late for school. Every morning.
This process never makes me feel successful or like I've accomplished anything. Negotiating does not have positive associations for me. Honestly, I'd rather avoid it.
But I'll keep working on it. I'll keep trying new tactics to get us out the door in the morning without me wanting to get in the car and drive off without my kid. And I'll keep pushing myself to ask for what I'm worth--more than I think I'm worth, actually. Because, I'm probably selling myself short.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment